Snow and Arguments - What Else Can Happen?!
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: Lauren and Lenny get locked in the boiler room. Squiggy finds out and the boys argue about it.
1. Winter Wonderland - Chapter 1

**Winter Wonderland **

**ONE**   
730 Knapp Street, early morning 

Everyone is on the stoop. Laverne, Shirley, Carmine. Kristin, and Squiggy all have luggage. 

Laverne- I can't believe my pop and I are goin' to Italy for Christmas!... I don't care if they got me presents, I just want a guy to bring home! 

Shirley- Oh, Laverne, keep the smut to a minimum, huh? (to Carmine) We'll be having Christmas with the palm trees and my mom out in California. It'll be so much fun!... 

Carmine- Bringing me home to meet your mother... 

Squiggy- Wait, I already know your mom, Krissy... Who'm I gonna meet? 

Kristin- My dad's fist, if ya don't be careful. (to Lauren and Lenny, who're sitting on the steps, looking very unenthused) What about you two? Why don't ya come with us? 

Lauren- I just went home for Thanksgiving. I don't think my dad wants to pay for another round trip train ticket. 

Lenny- I just don't have anywhere to go. 

Kristin (to Lauren)- That's the _other_ reason why you're stayin'. (she smiles) 

Three cabs pull up. The group splits up and piles into their cab. All three pull away. 

Lauren- Is it just me or did it suddenly get colder out here? 

Lenny- It's you. 

Lauren- That's an optimistic answer. 

They get up and go in the building. 

Lenny- Some Christmas this is gonna be. 

Lauren- Yeah... What's next? A snow storm!? 

  
**TWO**   
4th floor, hallway, two hours later 

Lauren and Lenny are looking out the hall window at the heavy snow falling. 

Lenny- Ya had to mention 'snow storm'! 

Lauren- Okay, I'm sorry! I'm startin' to wish I had opted to go home for Christmas insteada Thanksgiving. (sees the hurt look on Lenny's face) I said that wrong. What I meant was... uh... next thing ya know, the power will go out!.. 

Lenny (quickly puts his hand over Lauren's mouth)- Shh! Don't say that! I think the weather's listenin' to ya! 

Lauren (takes Lenny's hand off her mouth)- That's ridiculous! It was just a coincidence about the snow storm. (turns away from the window) I've seen enough storms back East to last me a lifetime. (Lenny starts back to his apartment) Where're you goin'? 

Lenny- I'm gonna sleep through Christmas. Maybe everythin' will turn out better then. (he goes into the apartment) 

Lauren- And a 'Bah humbug!' to you, too, Scrooge. (shakes her head) What is up his nose? (she goes into her apartment) 

  
**THREE**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment 

Lauren comes in, plops on the couch, and starts playing with the TV. 

Lauren (fiddling with the antenna)- Awe, c'mon, there's enough snow outside! I don't need it on the TV, too! (she continues playing with it) 

The power goes out. 

Lauren (stops playing with the antenna and looks up)- Uh oh. (pause) Why is the weather listening to me? This is gettin' annoying! (pause) And why isn't Lenny yelling at me about it? (she gets up, goes out, and across the hall; knocking) Len? (tries the door knob and the door opens) Oh, my gosh... (she looks around the room) 

The whole apartment is covered in Christmas lights. 

Lauren (closing the door)- Lenny? Where ya hidin'? 

Lenny comes out of the bathroom, putting a bandaid on his finger. 

Lenny- I musta blew a fuse. 

Lauren- And I thought I went crazy with the lights?... What'd you do? 

Lenny- I plugged in the last string and it zapped me, then everything went out. 

Lauren- Atleast this solves my TV problem. Now, I can just watch the real snow falling outside insteada the snow in the TV reception. 

Lenny- We could try the fuse box downstairs. 

Lauren- We could... You're suggesting that we check it, aren't ya? 

Lenny- Yup. 

They leave with flashlights in hand. 

  
**FOUR**   
basement 

Lauren (looking at the labels for the switches)- I can't read any of these. They're all faded! 

Lenny- It prob'ly also don't help that they were written in pencil. 

Lauren- Pencil!?... I don't wanna know. Uh, shine your flashlight on here, too. Maybe more light will help. There should be one main switch... atleast I don't _think_ we hafta switch all of 'em. 

Lenny- You try the switches. I don't wanna get zapped. 

Lauren squints and flips one of the switches. The lights come on. 

Lauren- There. That should take care of it. 

Lenny- Good. Let's get outta here. 

Lauren- What're you in such a hurry about? 

Lenny- Well, it's funny about the door to this room. It don't open from in here & if it closes we're (he looks at the door; it's closed) locked in. 

Lauren- Locked in? Meaning we're stuck in here? 

Lenny- Until someone comes down here... which could be a while since the girls are gone. 

Lauren (going over to the door)- It can't be locked. (she tries the knob) Yup, (she turns around and leans against it) we're stuck in here. 

  
**FIVE**   
outside 

A cab pulls up in front of the building. Kristin and Squiggy get out, bags and all. 

Kristin- I can't believe the plane was snowed in. We shoulda taken the train like everyone else did! 

Squiggy- C'mon, it ain't that bad. Let's get inside before I hafta comb my hair with anti-freeze! 

They go inside and up to the fourth floor. 

Squiggy (opens his door)- I think Len had too much free time. 

Kristin (goes over next to him)- Wow! And I thought Lauren wnet nuts with lights. (looks around) Where _is_ Lenny? 

They both look over to Kristin's door. 

Kristin (going across the hall)- We better check over here. (opens the door, goes in, and checks all the rooms) They're not here either. This is really weird. You don't think they went out in this weather, do ya? 

Squiggy- Naw. Lenny don't care much for snow... 'specially since I buried him in it last year. 

Kristin (sarcastically)- Whatta nice friend... 

Squiggy- I thought so... he didn't even hafta ask. 

Kristin- Hmm... I guess they'll show up eventually. Night, Squig. (she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and pushes him out hte door, closing it after him) 

  
**SIX**   
downstairs, an hour later 

Lauren is sitting on the floor, rubbing her temples. 

Lenny is trying to open the door... but he said it don't open from the inside! 

Lauren- Why don't ya try a blow torch?! It's prob'ly the only thing you haven't used yet on that door! 

Lenny- Atleast I'm tryin'! Who knows how long we could be down here! (looks around) I wonder if there's an axe down here... 

Lauren- I draw the line at axes!... Will you just sit down? 

Lenny (starts across the room)- Oh, alright. (sees the dumb-waiter) Hey, what about this? 

Lauren (with her head resting on her knees)- What about what? 

Lenny- The... um... coal mine. 

Lauren (lifting her head)- Coal mine? (looks over to where Lenny is) Oh, the dumb-waiter! (she gets up and goes over) What's the plan?... And don't say we go coal minin'! 

Lenny- We could yell for someone to come and get us out? 

Lauren- Uh, I don't think that sounds too great. I mean, whoever comes down here could get the wrong idea. 

Lenny- About what? 

Lauren- Never mind. Looks like we're gonna be here a while. (she goes back over to where she was sitting and sits back down) 

A few minutes later. 

Lenny- Oh! _That_ wrong idea! 

Lauren slaps her forehead. 

Lauren- I'm gonna get some sleep. Wake me if someone finds us. 

  
**SEVEN**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment 

Kristin is sitting on the couch. 

Kristin (to herself)- Where the heck is Lauren? (she gets up and goes over to the window) Boy, it's still a blizzard out there! (shivers) It's makin' me cold just looking outside (goes over and looks at the thermostat) Oh, it _is_ gettin' colder in here! (goes to the closet, gets her coat, and puts it on) Maybe I oughtta go downstairs and check out the heater. 

  
**EIGHT**   
downstairs 

Kristin is outside the locked door. She turns the knob. Nothing. 

Kristin (trying the knob again)- Oh, c'mon! (she starts hitting the door, trying to unjam the knob) You stupid!... 

O.S. Lenny- Kristin? 

Kristin (stops)- Lenny? What're you doin' in there? 

O.S. Lenny- We sorta got locked in. 

Kristin- We? Lauren's in there, too? 

O.S. Lenny- Yeah. 

Kristin (makes a face)- Atleast now I know where ya are. You pull on the door and I'll push... maybe it'll give with both of us workng on it. 

O.S. Lenny- Okay, on three? 

Kristin- One, two... three! 

Lenny starts pulling on the knob, while Kristin takes a short run, colliding into the door. The door whips open, knocking Lenny on the floor, and Kristin comes charging in. The door starts to close and Lenny dives for it, getting only his fingers in between the door and the frame. 

Kristin (looks over at Lenny)- What're ya doin'? 

Lenny- Tryin' to keep us from gettin' locked in again. Uh, I'm sorta busy at the moment... would ya mind wakin' up Lauren? 

  
**NINE**   
fourth floor 

Lauren (sarcastically)- Well, that was a fun evening. 

Kristin- Yeah, well, you coulda been outside in this blizzard. 

Lenny (trying his door)- She called it. (tries the door again) Squig locked me out! 

Kristin- Without me?! (goes over to the door; pushing Lenny away) "scuse me. (starts pounding on the door) 

The door opens. 

Squiggy- Hello. (sees Kristin) Why don't we go over to your apartment. These lights are drivin' me nuts! 

They go in the girls' apartment. 

Lauren- For him, that's not a very long drive. 

Lenny- Low blow! 

They go in the boys' apartment. 

Lauren- See, I told ya we'd get outta there soon. 

Lenny- Oh, don't rub it in. 

Lauren- I wonder why they're back so soon... Maybe the plane got snowed in. (she leans against the closed door and looks up) Mistletoe... I shoulda known. 

Lenny- I put it in the right place. 

  
**TEN**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment 

Kristin- I wish the plane hadn't gotten snowed in. I really wanted to go home for a visit! 

Squiggy- Yeah. 

Kristin- You could sound a little more enthusiastic, ya know. 

Squiggy- Whadya want me to do? They ain't my real relatives... My real relatives can't stand me. I love bargin' in, sayin' hello, and watchin' 'em carryin' on about how much they want me to leave, but never actually try to make me leave... 

Kristin- Squig, your side of the family is weird... really weird. I knew that already. Still, I just wanted to visit my folks. If Shirley hadn't dragged Carmine along with her, he coulda come with us... 

Squiggy- And start up the feud between him and your folks again. I'll start my own feuds, thank you very much! 

Kristin kisses him. 

Squiggy (half surprised)- What was that for? 

Kristin- Just for being you. 


	2. Winter Wonderland - Chapter 2

Winter Wonderland 

**Part 2 **

**ELEVEN**   
boys' apartment 

Lauren (inspecting the lights)- Do ya know if Shirl's gonna have a New Year's Eve party? 

Lenny- Yeah, just like her previous ones: coupes only at five bucks a couple. 

Lauren- Five bucks, huh? (she turns to face him) Have you been to any of her parties? 

Lenny- Naw... never had five bucks to spare. 

Lauren- Huh. You didn't ask you date?... 

Lenny- Why would I do that? 

Lauren (pulls a $5 bill out of her pocket; holding it up)- Because ya never know when your date will want to pay for it. (she holds it out to him) You hold on to it, but, so help me, if you lose it or spend it on som'en... 

Lenny- I'm a dead man? 

Lauren You know me too well. 

  
**TWELVE**   
4th floor, Christmas morning 

All four are sitting out in the hall--Lauren and Lenny on the girls' side and Kristin and Squiggy on the boys' side. There's a Christmas tree at hte end of the hall, blocking the view of the continuing blizzard. Wrapping paper, boxes, and gifts are scattered all over the place. 

Lauren- That was a great Christmas! 

Squiggy- It'll be even better when we break out the egg nog! 

Lauren- Whadya need egg nog for? Ya stumble around just fine without it! 

Lenny- Low blow! 

Kristin- Ya got that right! C'mon, quit arguin'! 

Lauren- Sorry. 

Squiggy (mumbling)- Sorry. 

Kristin- That's better. (pause) How's that blizzard comin' out there? 

Lauren (gets up and goes over to the window; looking out)- Absolutely dreadful. (turns to face them) It's not fit for human or beast! 

Squiggy- Snowball fight! (he jumps up) 

Kristin (sitting Squiggy down)- Calm yourself! 

Lenny- I think Squig dipped into the egg nog already. 

The phone rings in the girls' apartment. 

Lenny (getting up)- I'll get it. (he goes in and picks up the receiver) Hello? (receives a scream in his ear) Hiya, Shirl. (Lauren, Kristin, and Squiggy gather around) What am I doin' in here? Shirl... (to the three gather around) someone else take this, please! (holds the receiver out to Lauren) 

Lauren (taking the receiver)- Fine. (to the phone) Shirl, stop screamin'! Kristin and Squiggy are here, too. Their plane got snowed in... Wha- (listens) Whadya mean? (listens; to the other three) Shirl and Carmine won't be back until after New Year's. The blizzard made the airport cancel all incoming flights for the next ten days. 

Kristin- What's gonna happen to Shirl's New Year's Eve party? 

Lauren (to the phone)- Oh, okay. (to the other three) She wants us to hold it for her. 

Lenny- So that means we don't hafta pay the five bucks? 

Lauren (listens; to Lenny)- No dice. 

Lenny- I tried. 

Lauren (to the phone)- Okay, bye. (she hangs up the receiver) Looks like we're gonna hold a party. 

  
**THIRTEEN**   
girls' apartment, later that day 

Lauren- Well, we gotta have the party somewhere! 

Kristin- Yeah... when are Laverne and her pop comin' back? We could use the Pizza Bowl. 

Lenny- After New Year's. (Lauren glares at him) She didn't get a date. 

Lauren- This is startin' to sound hopeless! 

Squiggy (sitting up on the couch)- Wha-? (gets up) 

Lauren- Lookit that! He knows when he's bein' talked about when he's drunk, too! (to Squiggy) Go back to sleep, huh? 

Squiggy flops back on the couch. 

Kristin- We could have the party here. 

Lauren- Awe, no! No, no, no! Uh uh! No way, José! 

Lenny- I think that's a no. 

Kristin- Well, why not? 

Lauren- Do you really want our apartment trashed? 

Kristin- What's the problem with that? The boys have done that a coupla times. 

Lauren- Yeah, but... It's just that... (sighs) 

Lenny- Whassa matter? 

Lauren- Truthfully, I don't like parties. I don't like putting them together even more. I don't like having them where I live the most. I can't do it, that's all. (thumps her head down on the table) 

Kristin- You never told me all that. 

Lauren (with her head still on the table)- I was hoping to avoid the concept of parties. 

Lenny- But you were gonna go with me! Ya even gave me the five bucks. 

Lauren- I know... I know. I don't like being the center of attention and if we're holdin' the party, I'll be a part of the center and I just can't. 

Kristin- This poses quite the problem. 

Lauren- I'm sorry. 

There's a brief silence. 

Kristin- I got it! I'll call Shirl and ask if she left a spare key to her apartment. We can have the party there! 

Lauren- Whatever. 

Kristin gets up and goes over to the phone. 

Lenny- Do ya even wanna go now? 

Lauren (looks at him)- I'll go, but if I get attention drawn to me, I'm leavin'! 

  
**FOURTEEN**   
New Year's Eve, L&S apartment, afternoon 

Kristin comes up next Lauren. 

Kristin- Boy, for someone who doesn't like parties, you've done a great job with the decorations! 

Lauren- Thanks. Just please remember that I'm only a guest, so don't tell anyone I did anything for this party, okay? 

Kristin- Okay. (pause) Where'd the fellas go? 

Lauren- They went to get some more food and drinks. I hope Squig doesn't bring the egg nog. 

Kristin- Why not? 

Lauren- Ya haven't seen him yet today, have ya? (Kristin shakes her head no) Let's just say he doesn't need anymore. 

The door opens. Lenny comes in, carrying a couple of bags. He goes over and plops them on the kitchen table. He goes over to the couch and plops himself on it. 

Lauren- No hi... What's wrong? 

Lenny- Never go shopping on New Year's Eve! Those people out there are insane! 

Squiggy (coming in)- Hello! 

Lauren- I see what ya mean! 

Kristin- Well, we've still got an hour before our guests start to arrive... 

Lauren- And tire out our lips before midnight?! 

Kristin- Good point. 

A car pulls up right outside the building. 

Lauren- Awe, they can't be comin' already... (she goes over to the window, looks out and turns around) It's Laverne! (to Lenny) I thought ya said she wasn't gonna be back until after New Year's?! 

Lenny- I goofed. 

Lauren- Yeah! She's gonna kill us! 

Kristin & Squiggy- Bye! 

They leave. Lauren follows to the door. 

Lauren- Come back you cowards! (she turns back inside) We're dead... I'm dead. (she goes over and plops next to Lenny) This is why I hate parties. 

Laverne (at the door)- What the heck's goin' on in here? (she comes in) Where's Shirl? 

Lauren- Still in California. 

Laverne- So you're holdin' the party? 

Lauren- I only decorated... 

Lenny- I just got the food. 

Lauren- Kristin and Squig ran before ya came down here. 

Laverne- I thought ya didn't like parties? 

Lauren- I knew I'd told someone that! 

Laverne- If ya want, I'll take over the party. 

Lauren- You're not mad? 

Laverne- On one condition... (she comes up behind the couch) 

Lauren- What? 

Laverne- I get one dance with your date. 

Lauren- Well, Len? 

Lenny- Why am I so popular all of a sudden? 

Lauren- I don't think he minds. 

  
**FIFTEEN** party 

The whole apartment is packed. Laverne has been dancing with every guy there. {How she talked the guys' dates into letting them is beyond me.} Lauren left for a few minutes--she didn't like the song that was playing and Laverne got her one dance. 

Laverne- So, ya gonna ask her? 

Lenny- I dunno, she said she doesn't want any attention on her and I think this could cause a little... 

Laverne- Well, go in the other room or som'en... but keep the door open, huh. 

Lenny- Okay. 

{Ooh... what could _that_ conversation have meant?...} 

A few minutes later, Lauren comes back. Laverne tells her to go in the other room. {Okay, okay, so it's the girls' bedroom!} 

Lauren (comes in the room)- Hi. 

Lenny (gives her a weak grin)- Hi. 

Lauren- So... did I miss anything? 

Lenny- You were gone five minutes. 

Lauren- I know... 

Lenny (gets up and goes over to Lauren)- Uh, maybe ya oughtta sit. 

Lauren- Don't tell me it's bad news! 

Lenny- Just sit. 

Lauren- Okay. (she sits on the end of the bed) What is it? 

Lenny- Okay, um... well, ya remember when I asked ya to go steady? 

Lauren- Yeah, thank goodness I was sitting, I prob'ly woulda fallen on the floor... (pause) What're you gettin' at? 

Lenny- Uh... (he looks away briefly, then looks back, meeting Lauren's eyes) 

  
**SIXTEEN**   
living room 

O.S. Lauren- What!?!? 

Amazingly, none of the guests heard the outburst. Laverne did--she was standing as close to the door as she could get without being spotted. 

Laverne (thinking)- _Twice was plenty for me. I wonder how man times he'll hafta ask her..._

  
**SEVENTEEN**   
girls' room 

Lauren (calming own)- I'm sorry about that. I mean, I had no idea you were gonna ask me to marry ya. I dunno what to say... 

Lenny- How 'bout a maybe? As in at some point, but not yet? 

Lauren- Like a promise? In that case, it's a maybe. 

They hug. 

Laverne- Awwe, that nearly brought tears to my eyes! (pause) Oay, get outta here, now. 

  
**EIGHTEEN**   
New Year's, morning 

The girls' apartment is a complete mess. Squiggy is asleep on the floor, Kristin is asleep in a chair, Lauren is on the couch, and Lenny is on the table behind the couch. 

Laverne comes out of her bedroom, half asleep. She sees her friends almost all over the room. 

Laverne (thinking)- _Boy, I bet they had a nice little party of their own after New Year's._ (she smiles) 

from the kitchen, Laverne watches Lauren roll off the couch. She stifles a laugh. Lauren gets up and goes to the kitchen in a daze. 

Laverne- Mornin'. 

Lauren (looks at her)- It is? 

Laverne- Yeah, it's nine o'clock. 

Lauren- Five hours of sleep, no wonder I feel awful. 

Laverne- I'd suggest having a milk'n'pepsi, but the Pepsi seems to be all gone. 

Lauren- Naw, that's okay, I'm just gonna sit, plop my head on the table... (she sits and thumps her head on the table) and sit here like a lump for a few hours. 

Laverne- Atleast you've got plans for your morning. I have no idea how I'm gonna spend the day. 

Lauren- Call Shirl and tell her about the party. 

Laverne- Yeah, I think I'll wait until the afternoon, though, since it's only seven o'clock there. (she sits at the table) I wonder when I should wake them up. 

Lauren (looks at Laverne)- Whenever, but I doubt I'll help ya get rid of them. 

Laverne grins at Lauren. 

Lauren- What're you grinnin' at? 

Laverne- How's it feel to be "almost engaged"? 

Lauren- Is it s'posed to make me feel different? 

Laverne- I dunno, that's why I asked. 

The hear rustling from the living room and turn to look just in time to see Lenny roll off the table. 

Laverne- See, you're perfect for each other. You've got the same wake-up habit of rolling onto the floor! 

  
**NINETEEN**   
later that afternoon 

Laverne has been cleaning all day and still the apartment is a mess. 

A car pulls up right outside. Two doors slam. 

A few minutes later, Shirley and Carmine come in. 

Shirley- Whatta mess! 

Laverne- A mess!? Where? 

Shirley- Here! 

Laerne- Naw, I've been cleaning all day... (realizes they just got back) So, how was California? 

Shirley- Wonderful! My mom introduced Carmine to all her friends... 

Carmine- And all her friends pinched my cheeks! 

Shirley- So that was your reason for running away from them? They gave ya a sore face? 

Carmine- Yes!... I gotta go unpack, AngelFace. I'll see ya a little later. (he gives her a kiss on the cheek and leaves) 

Shirley- So, this is what's left of the party? 

Laverne- Yup. Ya sorry ya missed it? 

Shirley- No, not really. Anything special happen? 

Laverne- Nah, (continues cleaning) just Lenny asked Lauren to marry him. Nothin' much. 

Shirley- Oh. (realizes) What!? 

Laverne- You're gonna freak out again? She said maybe. 

Shirley (makes a face)- What kinda answer is maybe? 

Laverne- She didn't wanna say yes, but didn't wanna say no either. It's a maybe. (stops cleaning) Maybe you could use "maybe" when Carmine asks. 

Shirley- That's not a bad idea. I'm gettin' tired of saying "No, try again next month". 

THE END :)~ 

  



	3. Have An Argument And Call Me In The Morn...

**Have An Argument & Call Me In The Morning**

**ONE**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment, night 

Lauren is sitting... er, fidgeting on the couch. 

Lauren (holding pillows to her ears)- Can't those two shut up for two seconds!? 

Kristin- Huh? 

Lauren (rolls her eyes)- Take your ear plugs out! (she puts the pillows down and motions to her ears) 

Kristin (takes the ear plugs out)- I cannot believe they are still arguing over there! 

Lauren- I wish we knew what they're arguin' about. I asked Len last night and he ignored my question! 

Suddenly, the arguing stops and is accompanied by a slamming door. 

There's a knock at the door. 

Lauren gets up, goes over to the door, and opens it. 

Lenny walks in, right past Lauren, and sits on the couch. 

Lauren- Sure, Len, com'on in. (she closes the door and goes over to the end of the couch) What the heck are you guys fighting about!? 

Lenny- Nothin'. (he crosses arms) 

Kristin- Well, it's gotta be a pretty big nothin', you guys've been arguing all week! 

Lenny- It's nothin'. 

Kristin- Well, I think I'm gonna turn in early. Don't stay up too late! (she smirks and goes into the bedroom) 

Lauren (sits next to Lenny)- What's goin' on? Huh? Why have you two been arguing so much? 

Lenny- Haven't ya been listenin'? I said it's nothin'! 

Lauren looks away, amazed that Lenny won't tell her what's going on. She thinks of something. 

Lauren (turns quickly and grabs a handful of Lenny's t-shirt by the collar)- So help me, if you don't tell me what's goin' on... 

Lenny- Lauren, I don't wanna tell ya! 

Lauren (lets go of his shirt)- What do you...? Wait a minute, is all this about me? 

Lenny (looks off to the opposite side of the room)- Maybe... 

Lauren- Is it really so bad ya can't tell me? 

Lenny - You know how Squig is, he gets these stupid ideas sometimes and... 

Lauren- Tell me. 

Lenny- Well... (he whispers something in her ear) 

Lauren (with a look of shock, then anger)- I'll kill him! (she starts to get up) 

Lenny (grabs the back of her shirt and sits her down)- It ain't really that bad. 

Lauren- But why did he just now bring that up? So what if we were locked in the boiler room? If he thinks that... 

Lenny (clamps his hand over her mouth)- I don't wanna hear that anymore, please! 

Lauren- Sorry. Ya know what, I oughtta hit him with a bag of marbles! 

Lenny- You're startin' to sound like Laverne. 

Lauren- Maybe it'd knock some sense into him. 

Lenny- He'll forget... um, I just realized I don't have a place to stay, he sorta locked me out. 

Lauren- I'll go getcha a blanket. (she gets up and goes into the bedroom; she comes back out with a blanket) I cna't figure out why that's his problem? I mena, how many times have the four of us separated into each other's apartments? And the time when the girls let me stay in their apartment. (she gives him the blanket) I dunno, I could never figure out the way Squig's brain works. 

Lenny- I knew I shouldn'ta told ya. 

Lauren- naw, I'm glad ya did. I'm not happy about the reason you're fightin', that's all. Ugh... I think I'm gonna turn in, too. 

Lenny- And I'll set up camp out here. 

Lauren- You do that. (she goes into the bedroom) 

  
**TWO**   
middle of the night 

There's a pounding at the door. 

Apparently, Lauren and Kristin don't hear it becuase the bedroom door is closed. 

Lenny gets up and blindly looks for the lamp. He finds it... by knocking it onto the floor. He goes over to the door and starts looking for thelight switch. 

Meanwhile, the pounding is still going on. 

Lenny gives up looking for the light switch, unlocks the door, and opens it. 

Squiggy- You! 

Lenny- Me?! 

Squiggy- I shoulda known you'd be here! 

Lenny- Will ya keep it down? People're tryin' to sleep, ya know. 

The bedroom door opens. 

Kristin (rubbing her eyes)- What the heck's goin' on here? And why're you two here, arguin'? 

Squiggy goes over, grabs Kristin's hand, and pulls her out of the apartment and over to his. 

Lauren (comes into the living room)- What's goin' on? Where'd Kristin go? 

Lenny- Squig pulled her into the hall and over to our place. Ya don't think he's tellin' her, do ya? 

Lauren- But she found us and opened the door to get us out And she knows me a heckuva lot better than Squig does! All this fuss over nothin'... (she goes over and sits on the couch) 

Lenny (goes over and sits next to her)- Does it hafta be nothin'? 

Lauren (giving him an odd look)- Whadya mean? (pause) Awe, no! It was bad enough when I was watchin' the girls' apartment... Squig found us that time and, as much as I loved falling on the floor, it wasn't worth the trouble! 

Lenny- I just thought that if he was gonna be mad, then he should have som'en to be mad about. 

Lauren- Can't ya just knock some sense into him?! 

The phone rings. 

Lauren (leans over and picks up the receiver)- Hello? (listens) Oh, hi, Laverne. (listens) yeah, I know, but Squiggy... (listens) I know we're keepin' ya awake, but, Laverne... 

Lenny (grabs the receiver)- Not now, Laverne! (he slams the receiver down) 

Lauren just sits there and stares at him. 

Lauren- What'd ya do that for? 

Lenny gets this strange look in his eyes. Lauren sees it, jumps up, and starts running around the apartment with Lenny just a few feet behind. 

  
**THREE**   
L&S apartment 

Laverne enters the bedroom. 

Shirley Are they gonna stop being so loud up there? 

Laverne- Not likely. It sounded like a party or som'en up there. Lauren picked up and while I was explainin' we were tryin' to sleep, she kept buttin' in, then Lenny hung up the phone. 

Shirley- Well, that's odd. A party in the middle of the night? And why'd Lenny hang up the phone? 

Laverne- I dunno. He said "not now" and hung up on me. (she gets into bed and turns off the light) Shirl? 

Shirley- Yeah? 

Laverne- You don't think-? 

Shirley- Was Kristin there? 

Laverne- I didn't hear her. 

Shirley- I wonder what... 

Laverne & Shirley- Nah... (they jump out of their beds, grab their robes, and run out of the apartment) 

  
**FOUR**   
4th floor 

The girls get to the fourth floor flight of stairs and Kristin comes running down and nearly runs into them. 

Shirley- Kristin, what's going on? 

Kristin- Squig flipped out! He thinks that som'en happened in the boiler room when Lauren and Lenny got locked in. I know nothin' happened, but I can't get through to him and now I can't get in my apartment and... (gasps for air) I need a drink of water. 

Laverne- Shirl, take Kristin down to our place and get 'er some water. I'll see what's goin' on. (she goes up the rest of the stairs and over to Lauren and Kristin's apartment; she tries the door, but it's locked) Lauren, open up! 

O.S. Lauren- I'd love to, but I can't quite get over there at the moment! 

Laverne goes across the hall and makes a run towards the door. She runs into the door, into the room, and onto the floor. 

Laverne- Stupid... (she gets up and looks around) Lauren? (she walks through the apartment, eyeing everything; she walks behind the couch and picks up Lenny's jacket; she drops it and makes a run straight into the bedroom) 

Lauren (standing on the bed, holding a baseball bat {okay, it's one of those plastic whiffle ball bats})- I swear you get any closer...! 

Laverne runs and jumps on Lenny's back, knocking him over onto the bed. Lauren jups on top of the "Lenny-pile". 

Lenny (out of breath)- I give up! 

The girls get off and Lenny slumps down onto the floor. 

Lauren- Thanks, Laverne! 

Laverne- What thanks? You were the one with the bat... even if it is plastic! Ya coulda hit a homerun! Now, what the heck's goin' on? 

Lauren (sternly)- Lenny? 

Lenny (looks up)- What? 

Lauren- Would ya care to explain to Laverne why ya just flipped out? 

Lenny- Squig's mad at me cuz he thinks that som'en happened in the boiler room. I just figured that, since he's mad about som'en that didn't happen, maybe som'en else could make up for it. 

Laverne- That's the stupidest explaination I've ever heard! 

Lenny- Thanks. 

Laverne (rolls her eyes)- I can't believe all this! I'm gonna go talk to Squiggy and clear this whole thing up. Lauren, you have my permission to pound him (points at Lenny) into the ground if he tries anything. (she leaves the room, then the apartment) 

Lauren (sits on the floor by Lenny)- I should smack ya atleast once with this... (puts the bat down) but I won't. 

Lenny- Why not? 

Lauren- Because for some strange reason, I truly believe that that was the only thing you could think of. You thought it'd make Squig happy, but I doubt it. It'd make him angrier and it'd make me pretty angry, too! 

Lenny (gives her that look that could melt the inside of an Oreo)- Sorry. 

Lauren- Nope. Apology ain't enough... (she grabs his t-shirt by the collar {again!} and pulls him into a kiss) 

{...ooh, they're making out!... Hey, go into the living room and sit on the couch!... No! Not in the bedroom! Take your smut into the living room! Hey, com'on now... I gotta try to keep a G/PG rating here!... Never mind} 

  
**FIVE**   
boys' apartment 

Laverne (coming in the room)- Okay, Squig, what's your problem? 

Squiggy- I ain't got no problem. 

Laverne- Then why're ya so mad at Lenny? 

Squiggy- Cuz I know Lenny and Krissy did find them in the boiler room. 

Laverne- They got locked in! That stupid door does that to Shirl all the time! 

Squiggy- An' he knew if that door closed they'd be locked in. 

Laverne- you actually think he set that up? Ha! Squig, first, she could beat him up, no problem and second, haven't you been payin' attention? They really like each other! 

Squiggy- So, you're sayin' Lenny didn't do that on purpose? 

Laverne- Exactly. 

Kristin (coming in the room)- Sorry to butt in like this, but I seem to be locked out of my own apartment. 

Laverne- See, Squig? Nothin' to worry about. (she turns and leaves) 

  


THE END :)~ 

  



End file.
